"Louise is the girl in a million pictures. The angel in a thousand daydreams. And the star of a hundred imagined romantic encounters a day."
The lads want her to themselves - and all the ladies want to be her. She's glam, gorgeous, but damn it all, could it be she's normal too?
"I do think it's nice when men tell me they've got pictures of me on their walls," she laughs, "but they haven't seen me first thing in the morning. My fringe sticks straight out and my eyes are all puffy."
Ah, but it's not quite the same in a slinky nightie and little pink slippers.
"Um, I've got a big fluffy teddy bear sleepsuit my mum got me, actually. And big white soft fluffy slippers, like trainers. I look like I've got cartoon character-sized feet.
A hot water bottle?
"Yes, I've got a piggy one."
Bet you wouldn't stoop to wearing a thermal vest?
"Oh sure, from Marks and Spencer's. Thermal underwear's great. Occasionally I will treat myself to something fancy, but on the whole..."
There's something funny about this. Very odd. The person who's posing like a glamourpuss on these pages doesn't look like these words should spill from her dainty mouth.
"Oh come on, I'm like every other girl. I don't like my legs. I've got knees like a footballer. And I don't exercise as much as I should - I can feel myself gaining a few extra inches," she grimaces through her smile. "I didn't eat chocolate for about two years because I thought it would give me spots. Then I realised that I was getting spots anyway, so it's back to the Milky Bars and Minstrels."
But what about those mystery nowhere-to-be-seen extra inches?
"Oh yeah, they're there. I'm a nibbler, you see. I pick at things from the fridge. I even leave fingermarks in the food. It never used to matter because when I was in Eternal - we did so much dancing, I didn't need to exercise. I ought to go to the gym - but I'm worried it would be too flash. I'm not one of these people who go in there with a thong to prance around in front of a mirror. I'd be there in my tracksuit, a T-shirt, basically 14 layers of clothes. I live in tracksuits."
Still. It's amazing what a few lotions and oils can do in the old beauty stakes. Perhaps this girl has a bathroom which simply oozes miracle products.
"Well, I did use a face pack - a cucumber one."
"But I don't do it regularly."
"And I treated me and my mum to a manicure once."
We're not exactly talking excess here, are we? Whatever happened to no pain, no gain?
"I did go home and cry the first time I had my eyebrows plucked at a photo shoot."
So it's Saturday night. You're going out. And you have to get ready.
"It takes three quarters of an hour."
"That's with a bath and everything. I like to keep my make-up simple and I've got some nice sexy hipster trousers I wear, then I'm ready."
So, Louise. She's not just beautiful. She's naturally beautiful.